When You're In Love
by A To The K
Summary: James goes to the grocery store but can't keep his mind off of something. It will kill him inside before long. Stream of consciousness little drabble. Enjoy!


**Hi there readers :D. This is just a short lil thing because I'm to ADD to finish the two other things I'm wroking on on here. Plus I had to get this out. Oh and no AN at the end so please review!**

**Warnings: One-way slash, angst, stream-of-consciousness style.**

**Enjoy!**

**When You're In Love**

"Can you go get some groceries for me please, honey?"

"What?"

"I said can you go get some groceries please?"

James groaned. His mom always asked him to go get groceries. Why didn't she ever get anything?

"Fine." He agreed.

She handed him a list, with about four or five itmes on it. All of them were scrawled out in her neat handwriting in blue ink. Blue was his favorite color. James couldn't think of that, though. He had to go get groceries.

He exited their large house and started up his car. Just focus on the task at hand, he thought to himself. Don't think about you-know-who.

It was so hard not to though. James always saw him around school, and it was so hard not to just get down on his knees and beg for attention. They hardly knew each other, of course. Why would they? There were a couple thousand people at their Minnesota school, James couldn't know every single one.

James's phone rang. Not looking away from the road, because as his mother reminded him that was so dangerous, he grabbed the phone and clicked the little green button that answered the call.

"Hello?" he asked.

It was Kendall. Mumbling about some hockey thing or other. That boy was obsessed with hockey. Of course James loved it too, that's how they met in fact, but that's all Kendall ever talked about. Hockey hockey hockey. Sometimes it just got annoying.

Kendall asked James where he was going, to which James responded that he had to get groceries-as usual-for his mom. Kendall continued to make meaningless conversation that numbed James to his very soul, and soon his thoughts began to drift off.

Before long he wasn't paying much attention to his driving or Kendall, much to Kendall's chagrin. He began to sqwuak for James's attention, but James couldn't keep his mind off of the only thing that he loved in life.

That's not to say James didn't love life. He did. His was just so hard.

James apologized to Kendall, then told him he'd call back later. Man, Kendall was quite the guy. James loved him with all his heart, he did, but sometimes he just got tired of the monotony. Of the same grey color in the same one dimension, with the same ringing note. Never ending.

James sighed. The only thing that could bring color to his life was him. The only thing that could make his life burst out of the metaphorical screen (even though James hated metaphors) and the music flare with passion. Kind of like a musical. That of course reminded James of the musical they shared together. That was when they first met. It actually wasn't love at first sight, though. It just hit him randomly, out of the blue, one day, after months of knowing him, that he loved him.

He wouldn't dare admit he was gay though. He was too prideful, and he hated that he even aws in the first place. In his eyes, it was a curse. A despicable curse.

Not until he pulled into a parking space and stopped the car did James realize that he had arrived at the store. He sat in his car for a moment, trying to think all of this through. It was as if the universe all of a sudden got ten times heavier, and James couldn't hold the wait anymore. He loved another man, and the man hated him for all he knew, and he was tired of his boring life, and his best friend annoyed him, and would he ever achieve his dreams?

Yes, he would. James made himself think that he would. Otherwise, what would he do?

James sat, looking out his windshield, which he noticed was dirty. Next to him was a small silver car,probably belonging to some busniess man. James hated business. Or was that too vague? No, it wasn't. James would hate to have a career in business. As if his life wasn't boring enough as it was.

What was he thinking about? Oh, yes, that's right, it was him. It always was.

Breaking out of his trance, James got out of the car and walked towards the looming store, keys in hand. Look at the world around me, he thought, no wonder my life is so boring.

He looked at the brown, disgusting, slushy snow (or what remained from the recent blizzard) that litter the grounds, painted by the exhaust fumes of the old and clunky cars that surrounded him. Somewhere off to his left was a small patch of trees, for what purpose, James did not know, and the skittering of a squirrel could slightly be heard. That is, if it wasn't for the constant screeching of old shopping carts being pushed along the ground, and all of the old,deformed creatures who dare call themselves human pushing them along and waddling their hips. Sitting in front of the store was a kid, in tattered clothes, perhaps waiting for his mother, perhaps not. He looked at James as he entered the store, and it reminded him a bit of his childhood. Well, he was rich, but that wasn't the ppoint.

The lidded orange lighting of the old grocery store calmed James down a bit. He was overreacting about everything, surely. WAs this what love felt like?

James walked by each isle, looking for the items his mom needed. A carton of eggs, a sack of flour, two sticks of butter, and sugar. What, was she baking a gosh damn cake or something? Oh, but James, that language is unacceptable, he could hear her saying. He read the items over and over until he had them memorized. When he looked up he realized that he hadn't been paying attention, and that he was standing at the end of the store.

Just as he was about to turn back andwalk past all of the isles again, probably doomed to be distracted once more, he saw him. Just standing there, fondling some tangerines. Somehow, thi sshot arousal through James, but he controlled it. Stay composed, he thought to himself. Just keep walking.

But could he really just keep walking? His love was standing right there.

What would he say though? Their conversations were always awkward and painful; James didn't know if he hated him or if he was just really creeped out.

He looked over, and oh God he was looking over, James had to run, had to avert, but he couldn't. This was what love stories were made up with really. Maybe he would sweep him up in his arms and they would live happily ever after, like some dumb fairytale.

James stared at him for a while, waiting for him to wave, say hi, something! After what seemed like centuries, he simply nodded and raised his eyebrows.

James waved back, mortified to find he was shaking. Could this get any worse.

He went back to fondling those damn tangerines again, and slowly James gravitated towards him.

"Hi." he muttered shyly.

"Hi..." Logan responded.

"So, what are you doing here?"

"Just buying some stuff for my mom."

"Oh, me too!"

There was an awkward silence and James gulped.

"Hey didn't math class suck today?"

He did not just ask that. He didn't.

"Yup."

James gulped. He was only making things worse. And the worst part of it all was he was so close to him. He could see his cheek out of his peripheral vision as he pretended to be interested in his fruit.

And he just wanted to grab his head and kiss him. His emotions swelled and he couldn't take it. He just wanted to make out with him right here, right now. He could see Logan bite his lip and it killed him insed. He loved him so much.

He had to go, though. He couldn't handle this.

Forgetting his mom's groceries, James awkwardly slipped away and walked as fast as possible towards his car. He wished he could vent to Kendall, no matter how annoyed he was by him. He couldn't, though. No one could know about this.

Once he sat in his car, James felt safe again. Like their was a protective barrier around him, like he had ventured back into normality.

As James drove home, he began to sing in his head. He did it sometimes, just made up mausicals to fit his life's issues, then made up the songs from those musicals. Tears splashed down his cheeks as he sang in his head, driving hime.

_When you're in love,_

_Everyday seems like no other._

_When you're in love,_

_You'll do anything._

_When you're in love, _

_Pain will begin to smother..._

_You._

_And you'll hope and you'll hope,_

_And you'll dream and you'll dream,_

_even if they don't come true._

_WAtching closely from a distance,_

_Hear warm, but cheeks cold,_

_Life won't ever be the same._

_Life will be..._

_The only one..._

_To hurt you more than them._

_When you're in love._


End file.
